Dads vs Doulas
What is the point of a doula, when dad is already a supportive partner and wants to be fully part of the birth process? Won’t a doula usurp his position, or even interrupt their private experience?
I am fully happiest when I’ve succeeded in teaching the dad or primary birth partner my full bag of doula tools, and taught them exactly how to do a hip squeeze at the same time as moving with the birthing mother’s birth dance, moaning along with her. Then I can move worlessly in with a straw to drink and stay hydrated, and go back to taking notes for her birth story.
Or, when I’ve pointed out where the pressure points in her pelvis are to relieve back pain, how to use acupressure on her hands and feet to increase the strength of surges or relieve pain, and then I can stand back and take some keepsake pictures, moving furniture and props to where she can comfortably move between positions.
Lower back pelvic pressure points during labour
I can quietly point out what I sense she needs next, and make sure that they’ve both eaten and are keeping their strength up, and dim the lights. If dad needs to step out to make a call or grab some food, or sleep, he can do so while knowing the labouring mother is fully cared for. And while staff continuously changes shift a few times a day during a hospital birth, I stay consistent, able to explain medical options in an understandable terms if needed and help a couple feel like they have thoroughly thought their options through and made the choice with which they’re feeling happy.
Importantly, if things change quickly in an emergency situation, dads are often left on their own without understanding fully what’s happening in the operating theatre or what they can expect next, or what they should do. This can be very scary, and is the source of trauma for a lot of dads, and I really hate that. In these situations, I can explain and support, and remind them of the ways they can help, or what their partner had chosen ahead of time in the birth plan just in case. No one in a hospital has the job of caring for primary birth partners during stress - but I do.
It should be clear, I’m not here to replace dads, but to enable them to be the best birth partner and as fully present at the birth as they possibly can be.
